Writing Stuff.... How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

(A short story parody of Twilight)




Back in the day, we never had a problem with these pesky, sparkly vampires. Oh, we would get an occasional deer in the yard, or a squirrel, or even a raccoon, but never vampires. It was a peaceful quiet little town in the Pacific Northwest called Spoon. We never caused anyone any trouble and they left us well enough alone.

But those days are gone. Now these emo vampires are everywhere. Not to mention those dang waxing werewolves. It’s getting to the point where you can’t even have a beer in the back yard without some blood sucking freak moping about.

Now I’m a live and let live sort of guy. I don’t have anything against anyone. If they want to walk around undead and all… that’s their business. But I gotta draw the line at my yard. I just want to be able to watch the sunset without a commotion. I don’t need no drama with no girls with such low self-esteem they can’t even date someone who’s still alive. I mean, who needs that? And the whining! It’s just too much.


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Just a bit of fun I’m working on. This excerpt is a first draft. I will be releasing the whole thing as a short story in a week or so.

Lovin' it Z!! Stuff like Twilight, and the Vampire diaries are giving propper Vamps a bad name! Take the piss, and do it cruely, bro

Star4mation wrote:Lovin' it Z!! Stuff like Twilight, and the Vampire diaries are giving propper Vamps a bad name! Take the piss, and do it cruely, bro

Will do. Should stir up a spot of controversy--which should make more people aware of my other stuff....

Z

haha what about confident, yet...shy vampires? vVvvvvVv

ok, so i really don't get this whole "vampire" craze. i haven't seen twilight, yet everyone i meet, asumes i watch it because i have dark hair and fair skin(can't help my genes). lol i guess that's why i don't care for monster tails. i was never able to get into fantacy of anykind, except my own lol...but if a friend writes something, i enjoy reading it, because it's the work and art of someone i know... i will read about your vampires, but hollywood can keep theirs.

GinjaBug wrote:haha what about confident, yet...shy vampires? vVvvvvVv

ok, so i really don't get this whole "vampire" craze. i haven't seen twilight, yet everyone i meet, asumes i watch it because i have dark hair and fair skin(can't help my genes). lol i guess that's why i don't care for monster tails. i was never able to get into fantacy of anykind, except my own lol...but if a friend writes something, i enjoy reading it, because it's the work and art of someone i know... i will read about your vampires, but hollywood can keep theirs.

I will post it when it's done.
Twilight is just badly written sexy vampire crap for 13 year old girls to drool over.

Z

haha "sexy vampire crap"

i guess that's why i don't like it then haha...i'm getting old!

*throws vampire dentures across forum

i like the cover art by the way