Didn't know where to put this...lol
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Didn't know where to put this...lol
GinjaBug Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:37 am
i keep getting these update your classmates.com profile and check out what's new e-mails and so i updated my life story...i had just basic info down for anyone interested. but just wrote this early this morning and added it(for those that never "got" me in school). thought it would be insightful too 
. I get allot of signatures from old classmates on there so i guess it would be worth it. 
Life
Growing Up with the Neurological difference Dyslexia, had made my school years a nitemare. I lived through years of unrealenting bullying. Not only because of my condition, but for the way I look as well. I prayed everynite to be smart and respected. I sometimes hid in my room and quietly cryed when I came home from school. I feared the alarm clock most mornings! School was like being thrown into a shark tank with bricks tied to my limbs and expected to get out alive, every day. But now that I am older, I am wiser and a better person for it.
Thanks to me...I was able to really look inside of myself and understand allot of the things that confussed me and left me feeling hopeless(way back when). It wasn't untill I was in my 20's that I really started resurching Dyslexia. I knew I had it, but was curious to know more details. It's amazing how ignorent people and schools are about this condition, and what it actually IS. It is so much more then strugging to learn to read and write as a child. It's a life long condidtion, that can never be cured. It can only be modifyed to a point. It effects so many other areas aswell, such as speech(word forming), Math issues aka Dyscalcula(which is just starting to gain more attention), letter revercal, misspelling, communication, poor short term memory, amazing long term memory, time management issues, poor auditory prosessing(unable to learn or take in large amounts of information by listening aka, goes in one ear and out the other), sequencial thinking(like fallowing directions in steps, I learn in wholes and then break down aka "backwards thinking") etc. I like to get all of the importaint info all at once...which is what can make school a bit boring most times. I am a fast learner and like to look at something complete first...then I can study it and truely understand what makes it what it is. I always thought to myself "I wish there was less talk and more action". I just knew inside, that's what I needed to learn! Of course there are perks too...like visual thinking(day dreaming), artistic ablity, sensitity, hard working, truth seeking, the ablity to compose things in your mind, a desire for thurough understanding of any desired subjects and beyond, street smarts and the ability to read body launguage and vocal tone(expressions) very well...I can almost always tell if someone is real with me or not. It almost always comes with a great imagination as well. I remember when I was young, I had an off the chart imagination. I was filled with creatitvity. It can also make simple tasks difficult and the difficult simple. It's almost primal. I bet our left and right brained ansestors might have been equily succsessful in the cave man days...playing off each others' strangths. We might not have had cave paintings if it weren't for creative right brained thinkers.
Though my family and I of course knew I had this problem...noone ever shared ALL of this info with us(of course things have changed over the past 10 years). When I first started school. It took me 2 years to learn to read, but I knew the alfabet. I was sent to toutoring at another school, which did not help...I remember it was my first year in first grade, I had to go to SXU to meet with a reading group. No progress was made by that. I would just sit there and stare at the words in these thin carboard booklets. I had the feelings of 'all eyes on me' and unable to read a single sentince. I prayed not to be called on and waited on pins and needles if we were simply taking turns. I was having micro panic attacks by the age of 6, it was so stressful! And even more so when a teacher made an exsample of you infront of everyone. That changed quite a bit when I was tested for Dyslexia. I then got the rite help I needed. I will never forget the lady that got me through it all.
So anyway, we knew I'd have trouble with some things in school. We knew I'd need help with most, if not all of my subjects. I knew I couldn't read or write well much at all at first. BUT I learned...and for a long time I thought that's all there was to it. I thought it was mainly an issue with reading comprehension. I'm not alone, because if I were to ask anyone else off the street, they would think the same thing. I had no idea of the other effects it would have on my learning experience. I went to group meetings with other students or had one period a day to get help with my days work...but it never really worked for me. The worst thing you can do to a Dyslexic, is try to cram to much information from so many subjects in all at once. My teachers most times made me think I should be able to do all of these things...just like everyone else. But I was not like everyone else. I wished they could see that. I tryed my hardest to pay attention, and had little to show for it. I felt there was something wrong with me when I was unable to focus or understand. I hated knowing I can do it, but am unable to. It's like if you had two broken legs and knew how to walk but couldn't. My mind likes to make things more complex then they should be. It has to work 100 times harder to prosess information. It was beyond frustrating and very emotional...knowing you try so hard to do good and fall behind time after time...then have to deal with the fact everyone else is seemingly better then you and people telling you you could do better! It's not a good feeling.
When I was young I had no idea how to explain how I felt...I literaly just didn't have the words. I took it out on myself and sometimes my family via fussing(common for young dyslexics). I didn't want to, but I felt helpless. I didn't think talking about it would help. I figured I was just not very smart and wasn't able to compete...so how can anyone change that? I thought if I could show others that picked on me or treated me like I was stupid, that I wasn't a loser...and show them how they made me feel on the inside from the outside, that it would make it better. It didn't...but I didn't know how to deal with it. So I told myself to put on a happy face and deal with it. And to add to it, I was a hormonal teenager, who's life was already very superficial! I didn't want people to think I was dumb. Especially other students and my friends. It was a bit easyer for me in High School...though the bulling seemed to get worse. I actually did start to truely apperciate myself and became more open and trusting and stood up for myself. But still, struggled with my work. I didn't think or even know allot of the things I was experiencing at the time, were remotely realated to Dyslexia! I thought it was something that went away with age. Infact, I must have scored well enough on placement testing getting into High School, that I had almost all Academic level classes. So I honestly, wasn't treated much like a Dyslexic student...maybe more like a slacker(well I felt I was looked at that way sometimes). Infact...English, Vocab, Speech, Writting Fiction & Poetry etc, and various Art coruses were all classes I did fairly well in. I helped my class mates at times with their work, because they knew I knew what I was doing. That made me feel great and excited. I looked forward to those classes most. But struggled greatly with other subjects. I always felt like this is just the way it is, and I am not smart. Though I also felt maybe I was, and people just couldn't see the potentol in me. There was allot of back and forth, person vs. self going on for a long time. I also kept it to myself. I kept making excuses so not to look like a geek, because I hated all of the extra attention. I craved indipendence and became very rebelious...I wanted to be my own person and do for myself. I wanted to show everyone that I felt ever doubted me, that I could. I related to the word "Misunderstood" very well.
It's amazing though...that allot of teachers get frustrated and make an equily frustrated student feel as if they should be able to do things that seem so simple. And then of course, the teacher lets the parents know, and then the parents feel they should be able too. So if the so called "knowing" teacher feels you should be able, as well as the parents...the student is left feeling even more frustrated and "stupid". That's such an aweful and nearly damaging thing for a person(especially a young person) to have to deal with every single day. People like me are intelligent and creative thinkers that learn and prosess information differently. We learn mainly with the "Right Side" of our Brain. Our minds crave movement and hands on type work, not sitting still and learning from a book. What about having ALL multi-sensory classes for right brained students? How about it, "No Child Left Behind Act"? Seeing and doing is how we do it. Just look at all of the famous Dyslexic people that flunked out, especially the comedians that do impressions. One of my sayings is, "You can NOT learn talent or experience from a book". It's hard for some to understand, I know this. But in school I always felt there must be something wrong with me. I felt unable to meet what I thought to be unrealistic expectations. I wasn't trying to be difficult and it hurts when nobody seems to understand or care how you feel. The school system will write the Dyslexic off as a failure, when they are the ones that REALLY failed at expanding their own knoledge of the right brained side.
Reading as a Dyslexic...I often wondered why, "I can read the pages of this book, but how come by the end of each page(or even paragraph) I forget everything? What is wrong with me? I will have to keep re-reading this. I don't want to fail and everyone thinks I need to apply myself more. They have no idea how hard I am trying. They can't see that? I wish I could just call it a day!" Again, I thought that's just the way it was for me. Everyone else but me enjoyed silent reading. I felt like it was more or less "silent torcher", as dramatic as that may sound
. I figured out years later, on my own...that the reason is because, I can not visualise the words I read...it's all just words on the page to me. It's even harder to do when words blur together like someone took a projector sheet(with words on it) and then took a double of it and layered it, but slightly off. Imagin being expected to read the whole thing through, learn from it and take notes aswell. Your mind would have to work extra hard to decode all of the spelling and then try to relate it back to a picture and make everything add up. Or how would you feel if you were asked to read a book filled with random words and try to make sence out of them..."Well, how was the story and have you taken any notes?? What did you learn from it?" What would take a typical person 1 to 2 hours to do homework sometimes took me 5 or more, even if I had help. I could never get away from it!! And I still couldn't remember much of anything I had studied by the end of the day!
. I get allot of signatures from old classmates on there so i guess it would be worth it. Life
Growing Up with the Neurological difference Dyslexia, had made my school years a nitemare. I lived through years of unrealenting bullying. Not only because of my condition, but for the way I look as well. I prayed everynite to be smart and respected. I sometimes hid in my room and quietly cryed when I came home from school. I feared the alarm clock most mornings! School was like being thrown into a shark tank with bricks tied to my limbs and expected to get out alive, every day. But now that I am older, I am wiser and a better person for it.
Thanks to me...I was able to really look inside of myself and understand allot of the things that confussed me and left me feeling hopeless(way back when). It wasn't untill I was in my 20's that I really started resurching Dyslexia. I knew I had it, but was curious to know more details. It's amazing how ignorent people and schools are about this condition, and what it actually IS. It is so much more then strugging to learn to read and write as a child. It's a life long condidtion, that can never be cured. It can only be modifyed to a point. It effects so many other areas aswell, such as speech(word forming), Math issues aka Dyscalcula(which is just starting to gain more attention), letter revercal, misspelling, communication, poor short term memory, amazing long term memory, time management issues, poor auditory prosessing(unable to learn or take in large amounts of information by listening aka, goes in one ear and out the other), sequencial thinking(like fallowing directions in steps, I learn in wholes and then break down aka "backwards thinking") etc. I like to get all of the importaint info all at once...which is what can make school a bit boring most times. I am a fast learner and like to look at something complete first...then I can study it and truely understand what makes it what it is. I always thought to myself "I wish there was less talk and more action". I just knew inside, that's what I needed to learn! Of course there are perks too...like visual thinking(day dreaming), artistic ablity, sensitity, hard working, truth seeking, the ablity to compose things in your mind, a desire for thurough understanding of any desired subjects and beyond, street smarts and the ability to read body launguage and vocal tone(expressions) very well...I can almost always tell if someone is real with me or not. It almost always comes with a great imagination as well. I remember when I was young, I had an off the chart imagination. I was filled with creatitvity. It can also make simple tasks difficult and the difficult simple. It's almost primal. I bet our left and right brained ansestors might have been equily succsessful in the cave man days...playing off each others' strangths. We might not have had cave paintings if it weren't for creative right brained thinkers.
Though my family and I of course knew I had this problem...noone ever shared ALL of this info with us(of course things have changed over the past 10 years). When I first started school. It took me 2 years to learn to read, but I knew the alfabet. I was sent to toutoring at another school, which did not help...I remember it was my first year in first grade, I had to go to SXU to meet with a reading group. No progress was made by that. I would just sit there and stare at the words in these thin carboard booklets. I had the feelings of 'all eyes on me' and unable to read a single sentince. I prayed not to be called on and waited on pins and needles if we were simply taking turns. I was having micro panic attacks by the age of 6, it was so stressful! And even more so when a teacher made an exsample of you infront of everyone. That changed quite a bit when I was tested for Dyslexia. I then got the rite help I needed. I will never forget the lady that got me through it all.
So anyway, we knew I'd have trouble with some things in school. We knew I'd need help with most, if not all of my subjects. I knew I couldn't read or write well much at all at first. BUT I learned...and for a long time I thought that's all there was to it. I thought it was mainly an issue with reading comprehension. I'm not alone, because if I were to ask anyone else off the street, they would think the same thing. I had no idea of the other effects it would have on my learning experience. I went to group meetings with other students or had one period a day to get help with my days work...but it never really worked for me. The worst thing you can do to a Dyslexic, is try to cram to much information from so many subjects in all at once. My teachers most times made me think I should be able to do all of these things...just like everyone else. But I was not like everyone else. I wished they could see that. I tryed my hardest to pay attention, and had little to show for it. I felt there was something wrong with me when I was unable to focus or understand. I hated knowing I can do it, but am unable to. It's like if you had two broken legs and knew how to walk but couldn't. My mind likes to make things more complex then they should be. It has to work 100 times harder to prosess information. It was beyond frustrating and very emotional...knowing you try so hard to do good and fall behind time after time...then have to deal with the fact everyone else is seemingly better then you and people telling you you could do better! It's not a good feeling.
When I was young I had no idea how to explain how I felt...I literaly just didn't have the words. I took it out on myself and sometimes my family via fussing(common for young dyslexics). I didn't want to, but I felt helpless. I didn't think talking about it would help. I figured I was just not very smart and wasn't able to compete...so how can anyone change that? I thought if I could show others that picked on me or treated me like I was stupid, that I wasn't a loser...and show them how they made me feel on the inside from the outside, that it would make it better. It didn't...but I didn't know how to deal with it. So I told myself to put on a happy face and deal with it. And to add to it, I was a hormonal teenager, who's life was already very superficial! I didn't want people to think I was dumb. Especially other students and my friends. It was a bit easyer for me in High School...though the bulling seemed to get worse. I actually did start to truely apperciate myself and became more open and trusting and stood up for myself. But still, struggled with my work. I didn't think or even know allot of the things I was experiencing at the time, were remotely realated to Dyslexia! I thought it was something that went away with age. Infact, I must have scored well enough on placement testing getting into High School, that I had almost all Academic level classes. So I honestly, wasn't treated much like a Dyslexic student...maybe more like a slacker(well I felt I was looked at that way sometimes). Infact...English, Vocab, Speech, Writting Fiction & Poetry etc, and various Art coruses were all classes I did fairly well in. I helped my class mates at times with their work, because they knew I knew what I was doing. That made me feel great and excited. I looked forward to those classes most. But struggled greatly with other subjects. I always felt like this is just the way it is, and I am not smart. Though I also felt maybe I was, and people just couldn't see the potentol in me. There was allot of back and forth, person vs. self going on for a long time. I also kept it to myself. I kept making excuses so not to look like a geek, because I hated all of the extra attention. I craved indipendence and became very rebelious...I wanted to be my own person and do for myself. I wanted to show everyone that I felt ever doubted me, that I could. I related to the word "Misunderstood" very well.
It's amazing though...that allot of teachers get frustrated and make an equily frustrated student feel as if they should be able to do things that seem so simple. And then of course, the teacher lets the parents know, and then the parents feel they should be able too. So if the so called "knowing" teacher feels you should be able, as well as the parents...the student is left feeling even more frustrated and "stupid". That's such an aweful and nearly damaging thing for a person(especially a young person) to have to deal with every single day. People like me are intelligent and creative thinkers that learn and prosess information differently. We learn mainly with the "Right Side" of our Brain. Our minds crave movement and hands on type work, not sitting still and learning from a book. What about having ALL multi-sensory classes for right brained students? How about it, "No Child Left Behind Act"? Seeing and doing is how we do it. Just look at all of the famous Dyslexic people that flunked out, especially the comedians that do impressions. One of my sayings is, "You can NOT learn talent or experience from a book". It's hard for some to understand, I know this. But in school I always felt there must be something wrong with me. I felt unable to meet what I thought to be unrealistic expectations. I wasn't trying to be difficult and it hurts when nobody seems to understand or care how you feel. The school system will write the Dyslexic off as a failure, when they are the ones that REALLY failed at expanding their own knoledge of the right brained side.
Reading as a Dyslexic...I often wondered why, "I can read the pages of this book, but how come by the end of each page(or even paragraph) I forget everything? What is wrong with me? I will have to keep re-reading this. I don't want to fail and everyone thinks I need to apply myself more. They have no idea how hard I am trying. They can't see that? I wish I could just call it a day!" Again, I thought that's just the way it was for me. Everyone else but me enjoyed silent reading. I felt like it was more or less "silent torcher", as dramatic as that may sound
. I figured out years later, on my own...that the reason is because, I can not visualise the words I read...it's all just words on the page to me. It's even harder to do when words blur together like someone took a projector sheet(with words on it) and then took a double of it and layered it, but slightly off. Imagin being expected to read the whole thing through, learn from it and take notes aswell. Your mind would have to work extra hard to decode all of the spelling and then try to relate it back to a picture and make everything add up. Or how would you feel if you were asked to read a book filled with random words and try to make sence out of them..."Well, how was the story and have you taken any notes?? What did you learn from it?" What would take a typical person 1 to 2 hours to do homework sometimes took me 5 or more, even if I had help. I could never get away from it!! And I still couldn't remember much of anything I had studied by the end of the day!Last edited by GinNger on Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:19 am; edited 6 times in total
GinjaBug- Posts : 671
Join date : 2009-06-25
Age : 42
Location : Chicago -
Re: Didn't know where to put this...lol
GinjaBug Sun Jul 12, 2009 11:51 am
continued...
Pictures don't strongly form in my mind most of the time when I read. I am a highly visual person...so it was never enjoyible for me. But I HAD to do it, because they think it was GOOD for me...it was basicaly a waste of time. I'm not saying knowing how to read isn't importaint, but I happen to be one that doesn't get into books...maybe articals where it's not so overwhelming for someone like me, would have been better. I do understand being able to read and write is of course, very importaint in this age. As for books and I...I remember dreding silent reading time. Everyone happily reading their books and I just staring at the pages, day dreaming and then turning the page every few minutes. Even if it was a book I thought I'd like, it was painful to look at. I do however, like to read about things I have a high interest in, typicaly something I can learn from and it's just fine. I also enjoy reading articals...they are not overwhelming with excess information and "short and to the point"! But with pictures in books, I believe is where they get the "joke", if you need a book with pictures, then you are likely "slow" or "an idiot"...two things which I am NOT!
I remember my first school year in Orland. My teacher wasn't happy with me, for taking out animal and drawing books on 'Library Day'...the teacher told me I needed a novel or chapter book like everyone else...something I can truely "read". I hated reading fiction books, and felt it was a waste of time. Though I can read, I naturaly didn't enjoy it...and I subconsiously knew that I learned more from books with lots of pictures(and words too of course). They were enriching to me and stimulated the rite spots in my mind. I can even remember learning that "Pigmious Pongo" is the latin name for orangutang from one of the zoology books I took out then. One day, my teacher took me down there by myself during silent reading, and brought me to a section of books as old as dirt. The Teacher told me to pick one out. I did, it had an illustrated picture of a dog on the front, which I thought I'd like. The teacher asked me to show it to them when I found one, which I did...the teacher then asked me in a belittling tone of voice, "Can you even read the title of this? etc." That was just one of many blows I took to the old self esteam.
For awhile I felt myself become withdrawn in someways and very self consious. My selfesteam was at it's wits end...till I got out of school and into the real world. It was probobly one of the best things that happened to me. Life became more real and so much better! I have lots of energy and a new lease on life. From then on, I wanted to better myself and be the person I always knew I was. People have seen the difference. I'm much more outgoing and positive. It's a shame schools favor left brained teaching styles, there for, left and whole brained thinkers/students. They see everyone else as a behaviour problem...students wouldn't act out or become depressed so much if they just had a fair chance in the correct invironment in which to learn. Time outs won't help you if you can't understand something. Schools and theripsts tend to treat the effect and not the cause. Let's get to the "ROOT". We know we can learn and it's frustrating how long it can take to learn in a way that wasn't ment for US...and we know this(even if we don't know we know it)! It's like a natural instinct to know this isn't comfortable for me! It can be emotionaly and physicaly draining. There were some days where I felt like I was floating in a cloud and never learning anything. I used to fidget allot too, and I learned this is just one way my brain stays focused(by motion)...but figiting can be distracting to other students that learn the traditional structured way. I remember by the end of the school day, I forgot allot and the next day a frustrated teacher's aid would do the work for me and tell me just watch and pay attention. It felt aweful...nobody wants to be a failure. And nobody wants to feel like they are "slow" and have this stigma attached to them because of this ignorence. Noone likes to be taunted and picked on because they are "different".
Part of me would like to write a book someday to share what it's like and maybe it could help others that maybe feel as lost as I once did. I have also written poems and songs relating to these struggles. Unless you have it yourself, you could never truely understand...even with all of the study in the world, you could not. You feel like you will always need help, because you have to have so much extra help in school, you let some of your dreams for the future go. Things NEED to change, this world would be MUCH better for it! I have to thank my loving family for loving me, supporting my interests and making me feel like I am more then what's on a report card. Even if they could not understand me sometimes, they knew me as a smart, funny and talented person. Dyslexia also effects daily life and self confidence. I had a wall built up to protect myself for the longest time, because of the fact. I was tired of being put down in school and as a perfectionist...afraid to make mistakes. But now I am only focused on the positives in my life and don't let anyone take that away from me. I can only do my best and I always give 100%. I don't care what people think anymore. I know who I am and that is a decent person. I'm no longer embarassed to admit I have Dyslexia. I won't run from or try to hide it anymore...I embrace it full on and know what I am able to do and what I need help with. I just wish that people could understand it. Nobody really does, unless they have it themselves or work with a Dyslexic. Well, that's my rant on that! Maybe I should start a Right Brained Rights Movement too? You can learn allot about Dyslexia on YouTube or google, there are some great videos and articals. I have learned more about myself through them and they are so insperational!
In conclusion, untimed tests, extra studing for long hours, excussing spelling errors, one short session a week or day vs. a full day of right brained instruction, punishment, and belittling infront of other students etc etc etc won't help much. But a total over-haul of the edjucation system and truely understanding would. All students should thrive in the school environment and life in general! Not just the majority! I've also found it interesting that most cases of Dyslexia are found in English Speaking countries and that a large part of prison populations are Dyslexic. My hope would be that one day SOON(if it hasn't happened by NOW), Dyslexia and realated differences will be seen as a true difference of Intelligence and be given the dignity it desurves...I say, quit putting people through emotional torment and practice what you preach! STOP classifing Dyslexia as a Dysability...be more open to another point of view! There are two sides to every coin. That's a VERY misleading label, as most Dyslexics are highly intelligent and CAN learn. It's just in a different way then by the way of traditional teaching methods. Why punish someone for something they can't change? Why work against the grain, with modifications and adaptations when they don't always work? All that needs to be done is to offer a truely different style of learning to make it fair for ALL students!! Why should one side have to adapt while the other is praised? Without Dyslexics, this world would NOT be what it is today. That is a known fact! Allot of the great inventors and artists of our time are and were Dyslexic...and often missunderstood too! Allot of talent from Hollywood is Dyslexic. And we all seem to share similer stories. How would our ansestors have found that watering hole without road signs and symbols? It was likely the visual thinker with a great memory that led them there! Stop trying to fix what isn't broken and fix the system that is!
I can't say I am an expert on Dyslexia, but then again...I have it and have lived with it all of my life. I have Dyslexic friends who went through the same things I have. I know what I know, unfortunately and I find it absolutly discusting! BUT...I DO feel good to finnaly share my experience, instead of brushing it off. I know I am not alone and I am only human...we have all have battles in life at some point. This was mine..
some great videos that have inspired me! these are great and i wish they had been around a long time ago. it's nice to know others out there "know" what it's like...
Pictures don't strongly form in my mind most of the time when I read. I am a highly visual person...so it was never enjoyible for me. But I HAD to do it, because they think it was GOOD for me...it was basicaly a waste of time. I'm not saying knowing how to read isn't importaint, but I happen to be one that doesn't get into books...maybe articals where it's not so overwhelming for someone like me, would have been better. I do understand being able to read and write is of course, very importaint in this age. As for books and I...I remember dreding silent reading time. Everyone happily reading their books and I just staring at the pages, day dreaming and then turning the page every few minutes. Even if it was a book I thought I'd like, it was painful to look at. I do however, like to read about things I have a high interest in, typicaly something I can learn from and it's just fine. I also enjoy reading articals...they are not overwhelming with excess information and "short and to the point"! But with pictures in books, I believe is where they get the "joke", if you need a book with pictures, then you are likely "slow" or "an idiot"...two things which I am NOT!
I remember my first school year in Orland. My teacher wasn't happy with me, for taking out animal and drawing books on 'Library Day'...the teacher told me I needed a novel or chapter book like everyone else...something I can truely "read". I hated reading fiction books, and felt it was a waste of time. Though I can read, I naturaly didn't enjoy it...and I subconsiously knew that I learned more from books with lots of pictures(and words too of course). They were enriching to me and stimulated the rite spots in my mind. I can even remember learning that "Pigmious Pongo" is the latin name for orangutang from one of the zoology books I took out then. One day, my teacher took me down there by myself during silent reading, and brought me to a section of books as old as dirt. The Teacher told me to pick one out. I did, it had an illustrated picture of a dog on the front, which I thought I'd like. The teacher asked me to show it to them when I found one, which I did...the teacher then asked me in a belittling tone of voice, "Can you even read the title of this? etc." That was just one of many blows I took to the old self esteam.
For awhile I felt myself become withdrawn in someways and very self consious. My selfesteam was at it's wits end...till I got out of school and into the real world. It was probobly one of the best things that happened to me. Life became more real and so much better! I have lots of energy and a new lease on life. From then on, I wanted to better myself and be the person I always knew I was. People have seen the difference. I'm much more outgoing and positive. It's a shame schools favor left brained teaching styles, there for, left and whole brained thinkers/students. They see everyone else as a behaviour problem...students wouldn't act out or become depressed so much if they just had a fair chance in the correct invironment in which to learn. Time outs won't help you if you can't understand something. Schools and theripsts tend to treat the effect and not the cause. Let's get to the "ROOT". We know we can learn and it's frustrating how long it can take to learn in a way that wasn't ment for US...and we know this(even if we don't know we know it)! It's like a natural instinct to know this isn't comfortable for me! It can be emotionaly and physicaly draining. There were some days where I felt like I was floating in a cloud and never learning anything. I used to fidget allot too, and I learned this is just one way my brain stays focused(by motion)...but figiting can be distracting to other students that learn the traditional structured way. I remember by the end of the school day, I forgot allot and the next day a frustrated teacher's aid would do the work for me and tell me just watch and pay attention. It felt aweful...nobody wants to be a failure. And nobody wants to feel like they are "slow" and have this stigma attached to them because of this ignorence. Noone likes to be taunted and picked on because they are "different".
Part of me would like to write a book someday to share what it's like and maybe it could help others that maybe feel as lost as I once did. I have also written poems and songs relating to these struggles. Unless you have it yourself, you could never truely understand...even with all of the study in the world, you could not. You feel like you will always need help, because you have to have so much extra help in school, you let some of your dreams for the future go. Things NEED to change, this world would be MUCH better for it! I have to thank my loving family for loving me, supporting my interests and making me feel like I am more then what's on a report card. Even if they could not understand me sometimes, they knew me as a smart, funny and talented person. Dyslexia also effects daily life and self confidence. I had a wall built up to protect myself for the longest time, because of the fact. I was tired of being put down in school and as a perfectionist...afraid to make mistakes. But now I am only focused on the positives in my life and don't let anyone take that away from me. I can only do my best and I always give 100%. I don't care what people think anymore. I know who I am and that is a decent person. I'm no longer embarassed to admit I have Dyslexia. I won't run from or try to hide it anymore...I embrace it full on and know what I am able to do and what I need help with. I just wish that people could understand it. Nobody really does, unless they have it themselves or work with a Dyslexic. Well, that's my rant on that! Maybe I should start a Right Brained Rights Movement too? You can learn allot about Dyslexia on YouTube or google, there are some great videos and articals. I have learned more about myself through them and they are so insperational!
In conclusion, untimed tests, extra studing for long hours, excussing spelling errors, one short session a week or day vs. a full day of right brained instruction, punishment, and belittling infront of other students etc etc etc won't help much. But a total over-haul of the edjucation system and truely understanding would. All students should thrive in the school environment and life in general! Not just the majority! I've also found it interesting that most cases of Dyslexia are found in English Speaking countries and that a large part of prison populations are Dyslexic. My hope would be that one day SOON(if it hasn't happened by NOW), Dyslexia and realated differences will be seen as a true difference of Intelligence and be given the dignity it desurves...I say, quit putting people through emotional torment and practice what you preach! STOP classifing Dyslexia as a Dysability...be more open to another point of view! There are two sides to every coin. That's a VERY misleading label, as most Dyslexics are highly intelligent and CAN learn. It's just in a different way then by the way of traditional teaching methods. Why punish someone for something they can't change? Why work against the grain, with modifications and adaptations when they don't always work? All that needs to be done is to offer a truely different style of learning to make it fair for ALL students!! Why should one side have to adapt while the other is praised? Without Dyslexics, this world would NOT be what it is today. That is a known fact! Allot of the great inventors and artists of our time are and were Dyslexic...and often missunderstood too! Allot of talent from Hollywood is Dyslexic. And we all seem to share similer stories. How would our ansestors have found that watering hole without road signs and symbols? It was likely the visual thinker with a great memory that led them there! Stop trying to fix what isn't broken and fix the system that is!
I can't say I am an expert on Dyslexia, but then again...I have it and have lived with it all of my life. I have Dyslexic friends who went through the same things I have. I know what I know, unfortunately and I find it absolutly discusting! BUT...I DO feel good to finnaly share my experience, instead of brushing it off. I know I am not alone and I am only human...we have all have battles in life at some point. This was mine..
some great videos that have inspired me! these are great and i wish they had been around a long time ago. it's nice to know others out there "know" what it's like...